you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
