haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
