let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
