we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
