why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
