who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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