Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
