How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
