My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
