remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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