Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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