Why are handjobs necessary in class?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
