I cannot find my penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
