Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
