I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The adults are the big ones right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
