Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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