Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
