If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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