well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
