apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
