You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
