maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
