Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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