when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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