ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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