I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
