Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
