3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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