Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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