Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
