Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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