those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
