They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
