You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
