More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
