One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
