Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
