I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
