Your mouth is God's brothel.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
