dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
