He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
