I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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