Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
