new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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