I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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