I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
