Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
