Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
