thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
