New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love having hate sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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