meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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