How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
