Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
