it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Holy sore nipples Batman
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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