Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
