this beer tastes like vomit already
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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