I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
