I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
