Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
